too many sleepless nights

In July we began our journey and worked on buying a house that we cannot move in to just yet. Joel works at a plastics manufacturing company and has committed to working there for at least two more years. So we now have the chore of having our mortgage and our rent due on the same day. This could be a problem since Joel is the only one of us that is working for the time being. Therefore it is my job to make his paycheck stretch to fit our needs. The stress can get to Joel, he doesn't want to hear about our finances at all. He generally can't sleep at night when monetary stress comes about, he has done this our entire marriage and it's funny to see how far we've come. The first sleepless night he had was when we were newlyweds, pregnant and as poor as really poor white-trash dirt. We couldn't even come up with money to pay for the bus ride to work (50 cents). One night I was craving an ice-cream cookie sandwich like nobody's business and I was in such despair over the fact that we couldn't gather enough money to buy one at the local gas station. Being the guilt ridden romantic Joel is, he took his precious bus money, that was given to him by his boss for the next morning, and started over to the gas station. I told him specifically, "if it is over .75 cents don't buy it!" He walked the long, cold, snow covered streets to the station. I watched through the window with fear and anticipation as he slowly walked back, he had a bag in is hand and pulled out the most beautiful sight I had ever seen... an ice-cream cookie sandwich. "How much was it?" I asked with death in my voice. "Just eat it- we can't return it cause it will melt" he responded. I knew it was bad so I asked again and he quietly stated, "it was $1.49." The pit in my stomach sank past my pregnant belly and settled at my feet. I couldn't send it back, I had no choice but to eat it. He sat there and watched me gag this ice-cream treat that was dipped in guilt and wrapped in gloom. We then proceeded to figure out how he was going to get to work in the morning. It all worked out but that was the first night he lost sleep over a purchase. The second time was over a year later when we had our cute baby boy. We were missing out on so many precious moments since we didn't have a camera so I sent him to buy a disposable camera, something we could use for a while and only take photos of the most adorable moments so we could make the camera last. When he came home he handed me the bag, walked into the bedroom and laid down. He didn't buy a disposable camera, he spent $30 on a mediocre camera AND film. It was enough to make a grown man cry. I, on the other hand, thought it was a good financial decision and made more sense than to keep buying disposable cameras. In the end it is good to see that we have come along way and now when we go to the movies I get a ice-cream sandwich just because I can. In order to keep his sleep patterns positive with this looming new mortgage over his head- he made a very bold decision... he was going to have to sell his motorcycles. Now if you know Joel then you know he LOVES riding motorcycles. He rides everyday and it is the best therapy for him so when faced with our new budget challenge he decided to sell his 1973 Moto Guzzi and his 2007 Bonneville Triumph (Bonnie). Now he isn't going bikeless, we still have a Honda so he will ride that for now. It was actually a pretty cool experience because, as we all know, the economy is down and buying motorcycles is usually the last thing on peoples mind but lady luck was on our side and within 1 week of putting the bikes on the market they sold for asking price. The nursery (garage) is empty now but it leaves room in the budget for his new love and not to mention he is sleeping like baby.

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